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Quick ladies, hide your man!

A sexy bitch is coming our way!

English: Reclining woman on sofa.

Psychology Today published a very interesting article titled, “Why do Women Hate and Fear Sexy Women?” The gist – women with a stronger sex drive often have few female friends, and find that women tend to keep their distance from them. Such women also report that they feel men are much less judgmental of their sexual urges.


Apparently, generations of manipulati….I mean, for generations, women have been expected to repress their sexual urges. It isn’t ladylike, after all! But why not?

Theories abound. The article mentions that just seeing a woman who is not afraid to flaunt her sexuality can trigger intense inner conflicts in the straight laced types. They wonder what they’re missing out on, yet can’t bring themselves to break out of the Good Girl role.

Competition for men is also a problem. The article goes on to state that for thousands of years, all women have had to offer men is their reproductive capacity and physical attributes, in exchange for getting a man to settle down with and provide for them. That’s where the sexy ladies cause a problem – if the men get the milk for free and don’t have to buy the cow, it’ll be more difficult to find a man willing to settle down.

I think it goes without saying that women are depicted in a much more sexual way than ever before. The amount of porn available on the Internet alone is one example. And look at how many TV shows have aggressive, sexual women fighting over guys, or getting drunk and falling flat on their faces. Some people think this is progress, and liberates women from sexual and societal repression that has been holding us back for years.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. I’ve gotten the sense that the vast majority of men aren’t interested in settling down with a woman who comes off as aggressively sexual. It seems like they’ll sleep with her a few times, or begin that magical “Friends with benefits” relationship with a woman like that. However, when it comes to settling down, the straight laced types seem to win out. Maybe I’m wrong.

Not that it’s all about getting a guy. But it’s hard to ignore the way that so many societies around the world look down on overt female sexuality.

The question in my mind is whether this is something that’s dictated by society, biology, both, or something else entirely.

Whatever the reason, you won’t see me naked on the Internet anytime soon!



  1. AmazinglyBrash says:

    Damn I was hoping you was going to do a spread on WordPress after this….seriously, women just need to focus on their goals and how they want their man to view them. Sexuality is a motivator for sex but not necessarily a healthy relationship. The straight laced girls do seem to acquire “wife” status while sexier women play the “mistress”.a woman can us sexuality without having sex and still maintain their straight laced label. A woman can be monogamous but still sexually sexy. It’s all marketing and people are so insecure. It’s all based on how the person wants to be marketed and what demographic of men they wish to attract. We are all just hunting for someone that is irreplaceable and therefore we try to be someone that is unforgettable. Here is a secret ladies: man are always going to look at what they don’t have, y’all just have to find one that doesn’t feel the need to go out a get it!!!!

  2. jnonymous81 says:

    Some more words of wisdom from ab!

    I agree that people are very insecure. I (naturally) blame the media and exposure to unrealistic standards for this – people watch TV and in time, internalize the messages they see.

    I think sometimes people spend a lot of time on the marketing aspect of dating instead of being themselves. That’s why people end up feeling disappointed and disillusioned. At the end of the day, what do you really have if you’re both wearing masks?

    I’m finding that sex can really complicate things…but it doesn’t have to. When I was younger, older friends and relatives always had the same advice – if you start a relationship with sex, that’s what it’s going to be about.

    It depends on what we’re all looking for – some people want a friend with benefits, others want a soul mate.

    / rambling

  3. My message has always been taking responsibility, not passing the buck. The media has several influence out there, but people gravitate to what they want their ideals to be. For example: I see blogs centered around sex, I always see blogs centered around true meaningfully relationships; which blogs you think get the most views? The media is fuel by the masses interest; without ratings those types of programs or imagines wouldn’t dominate our airways. Its just like workers complaining about their work environment, when they are the work environment. We make the whole system function but we can’t agree on much because we are too busy trying to be “individuals”. We are always trying to enlighten people that prefer to be light; they don’t want to be heavy in thought because that would mean acting. Complaining and gossiping is less work. So, we can’t blame to media for making a profit off of our laziness; we have to blame ourselves for being lazy in the first place.

    I have had friends with benefits and I have had meaningful long-term relationships….The common threat in both is being honest with your intentions. Make sure your clear about what you want and where you wish to go. Feeling may change but its always up to us to keep the other person/people up to date with our thoughts and intentions. Honest is the only policy!!!!

  4. jnonymous81 says:

    You know I used to feel that way, but I think there is a chicken or the egg first aspect to it. I think at one point what we watched on TV was a reflection of what we wanted to see, but now that there is so much evidence that people are so easily influenced by what they see on TV and in the media, I think that these outlets are used more and more to steer people into a certain way of thinking and acting. That’s why I started this blog – so many of my girlfriends and I, and other women we know, don’t like the images of women we’re seeing so much of. And the more “wired” people become, the worse this will be.

    I think this even contributes to what you said about people wanting to “keep it light.” Compared to other industrialized nations, our educational levels lag pretty far behind, and don’t look like they’re catching up anytime soon. Look no further than the TV screen – almost all of these shows encourage people to cause drama, be all about themselves, and just be ignorant people in general. At some point, I think life begins to imitate art, not the other way around.

    You’re right about honesty – if two people want a relationship of any kind, friends with benefits or something more long term, you have to be honest. The truth hurts, but it leads to less drama later on. Less drama is always better!

  5. The Media has a form a control but control is given to leadership; it isn’t forced. Saying we lack the control is saying we aren’t smart enough to paid attention. We are smart enough to see what’s being marketed….a vast majority just doesn’t care. Women are painted as objects because there are women using their objects to be painted. They aren’t being tricked; they are willingly entering our homes, brainwashing our men with their fake bodies and their lack of substance. We are informed but we ignored the information provided. Have I watched porn, yes, am I a big fan, No; but that’s only because I love living, breathing, realistic sexual experiences. I am turned on by forever over the moment. I watch reality shows to get an understanding of the type of people that are out there: regardless of the reason I watch; I still add to the rating. I am part of the reason it is still on. Good or Bad publicity is still publicity. What you and your friends are doing is great and I applauded y’all. Informing the public of the choices they have or what their choices are doing is great. People should be able to make informed choices. All I am saying is that most people don’t make choices based on morals reasoning, they make them based on desired outcomes. So, think about that and find ways to become the media by explaining why they should desire something with more substance….something progress your causing in promoting “real women” in the media.

    I am glad we agree about being honest in all relationships, regardless of their labels!!!!

  6. jnonymous81 says:

    I’m not sure how many people are truly informed. There are a lot of people who think the people they see on TV really look like that. When I have shown people pictures of celebrities without makeup on they’re stunned. I’d like to believe that people know better, but that isn’t always the case. And media outlets take advantage of that, but I think it’s most pronounced where women are concerned, since we are judged so much on our physical appearance. Getting women upset about our appearance sends us running out to the drug store to buy cosmetics and products to make us look better – and actually, a lot of these cosmetics contain petrochemicals – aka byproducts from the processing of oil.

    So who wins?

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